Losing a Child & Suicide (part one)

In 2007, I thought I had it all. A nice apartment, decent job, a brand new car. I met a guy that I thought was perfect (that will be another story), and we soon decided to have a child. I got pregnant quickly and things were great. When I fist heard the baby's heartbeat I was in love. It was a love I had never experienced and it was deep. Soon after that I went in for a sonogram. Things were going great, we saw his cute little head, his teeny tiny limbs, and saw that it was a boy. Suddenly the lady doing the sonogram went silent and gave a look that made me a little uneasy. She got up and said that she was going to show the images to the doctor and that it was normal. My boyfriend and I looked at each other and knew something was wrong, the feeling in the room was just not right. She came back after about twenty minutes smiled, printed out the images of my baby boy, and sent us on our way. After we got home my boyfriend had to run somewhere and I was home alone, happy as could be when my phone rang. I picked it up and it was my midwife. She told me that my baby had something called hypo-plastic left heart syndrome. She did not want to tell me much about it and told me I would have to meet with a specialist. So the next morning I called to set up an appointment with the specialist but he was not available for two weeks. I waited two weeks crying nearly daily because the only info I could find was on the internet and it did not look good. So finally I met with the doctor and he was quiet and did not offer much information. It was rare and he did not know much about it. I was then sent to another doctor who showed me pictures of other kids with the condition that lead relatively normal lives. During my research I found that the oldest kid with hlhs was in his early twenties, because treatment for the condition was pretty new.