Losing a Child & Suicide (part two)

I was told that his case was pretty mild and that he would have a series of operations, come home, and live a normal life. I had to go to Seattle to have him and so that he could get the operation, no place in Alaska treated it. So I get to Seattle and meet with a nice young doctor. Soon it was time to give birth. My labor was induced on June 05 2007. The moment my son was born is the most memorable and happiest things I can ever remember. He opened his big old bird eyes, turned his head looked at me, and blinked. Oh my gosh, he was PERFECT. I reached out to grab him, but to my surprise he was rushed away by a team of doctors. I kept asking to see him and it was a few hours before I got to see him. The wheeled him into my room, he was in some sort of contraption, and had wires and tubes everywhere. I got to hold him for a couple of minutes and snap a couple of pictures. Then they told me he had to be transported to Seattle Children's hospital immediately. So he went. I was not allowed to leave the hospital and was told that if I did I would have to pay the whole entire bill myself. So a couple days go by and finally I leave and go straight to see my baby. My boyfriend did not come to Seattle cause we were told he would have an operation, come home, and be a normal boy. Soon it was time for the operation. During his operation I was given a little room with a phone in it for updates. I was sleeping and thought that I heard the phone ring, I told someone to answer it (I was alone) and thought that I heard someone whisper to me that I was closer. I jumped up out of bed and picked up the phone and the lady told me that the operation went well and I could see him in a few hours. When I saw him I was devastated. His chest had a big hole in it that was held open with a bar of some sort and was covered with a gore-tex patch.