Monday, January 14, 2013
Bullying and Suicide (part two)
So you go home. At first it feels good to be around family for the holidays. However, the village is small and the people haven't changed. The sneers and insults become even more frequent. Your circle continues to get smaller. Now you basically only have conversations with your family. Every time you leave the house and say "hello" to someone, they say, "eww, gross, disgusting, or don't talk to me". Some have even taken to hitting you or spitting on you when you leave the house. So you stop leaving the house. You are in a small, house in the village and your circle has become about five people. This goes on for a few years, lets say, five. You have no mental stimulation except for what's on the free t.v. channel. You don't leave the house at all. You begin to fall into a deep depression. At this point you start asking yourself, what is the point of living? Is this how my life is going to be forever? Will I be trapped in these four walls with nothing to do and no one to talk to for the next fifty or more years? A few more years go by and you try your hardest to stay strong, but the depression deepens. Soon, you family moves. Now your circle is completely gone. You HAVE to leave the house and endure the bullying to get the things necessary to survive. Every time you leave you are pushed even further down. Now you continue to live, not talking to anyone at all for the next, three years or more. Then what? One day you are sitting in your room after not having had any real conversations with people, or any positive experiences, really for the last ten years. You are sitting there, and you make a decision, I'm leaving. This is the only way. Then you do it. You take your life and put an end to the suffering. Now you are laid to rest for an eternity in the very place you spent your life trying and wishing to escape. Next to the very people who pushed you to this point.
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I've always wondered how much this had an affect on the suicide rate in the villages. Another concern is cheating and affairs - how much does that affect things. I know even in a bigger town, it causes jealousy, I couldn't imagine having to deal with it daily.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, good blog. Tough questions
Working with young people, I have watched how lets say as an example:a good looking girl or boy can flirt and play around with the feelings of someone she/he had a relationship with. Dangling if you may.. W/O realizing what a big circle of negative situations it creates leading to drama, fights, jealousy, stalking and even murder/suicides.. This summer with our camp we want to talk with our camper teens and midschool kids about how to create, maintain and keep a good relationship... and when to know how to get out of a bad one.. If we say we learn by example then some of our kids have only had bad examples.. They also need to KNOW they are BEAUTIFUL and precious!! Native people are beautiful.. A part of the solution.. as we notice once our teens get into relationships and come up against a problem there is LOTS OF NEGATIVE DRAMA.
DeleteDear Carole Huntington,
Deletethank you for your insight, It is nice knowing that there are people pro-actively helping teens to learn about healthy relationships and the effects that bad ones can have. NATIVES ARE BEAUTIFUL, RARE, AND PRECIOUS. What is the camp that you work with? Please keep up the good work, helping make the world a better place. If they learn young, the behavior can be corrected before it becomes a lifelong habit
<3
TheModerNative.
Carole,
DeleteI would like to add that if I had been given a chance to go to a camp like the one you mentioned, I probably would have been spared so many problems that effect me to this day.
~TheModerNative
Thank you Joel.
ReplyDeleteNo two situations will ever be identicle.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. I was able to see it through the eyes of the story teller. Shared it to my facbook page. However I just think there should be linkd added that people can find grlp at if they are ever habing the same thoughts. crisis line phone numbers or people that They can reach out to.
ReplyDeletepeople need to start asking for help when they are going through depression. When dealing with suicides in our community, Ive heard people say how suicide was a selfish act. When I first heard it, it pissed me off and I was like "Who are you to say that? YOUR the one who is selfish!" It sure hurt me when I heard that because many of the suicides that happened in my community, I knew and I was related in some cases. But after thinking about this for a year, I have come to the agreement that it IS a selfish act. The people who commit suicide dont understand the trauma and questions they leave with their loved ones. It is up to the loved ones to pick up the pieces. Sometimes the ones who depart even leave their own children. I think people need to start being more responsible instead of taking the easy way out. Im not trying to rub salt in any wounds, that is just how I feel at this moment. It pisses me off, sorry to say.
ReplyDeletePeople need to start accepting other's help! Not just asking for it. To be honest, who really goes to ask for help? Almost no one, with the fear of rejection or continued to looked down on or bullied upon. I, myself have offered my help to many & the majority refused, saying they are "okay". Isn't it obvious when suicide has happened, that is their "rock bottom"? Or that, whomever they were seeking out to, never reached out their hand to them, which have had probably helped? People need to start being more proactive here and not just look in one direction. Don't you ask yourself, "What could have I done?"? Start by starting the simplest conversation to someone you normally don't talk to. Give a hug. Something as a simple hug uplifts people's spirits, especially the one's that don't receive it from you.
DeleteDear Anonymous,
Deletegreat point! I agree, as in the case with the person in this story, who was he supposed to ask? the people tormenting him? he was getting help with his depression, but we all know there is no hospital there, so he wasn't getting the full help he deserved. I agree with you on people needing to be more proactive. That is the goal of me sharing this story. not to make people feel bad for what they have done but to improve future behavior. Some people just might not realize what they can do differently and the pain that others are in, and I hope that this will bring change. Thank you for reading and offering your insight! I look forward to hearing from you in the future.
*can find help at *having same sorry for typos
ReplyDeleteSo do you think the person in the story written about should have just continued living this way, to spare the feelings of others? I think it would be selfish of us to ask him to do so. I know that everyone knew what was happening to him, and we just let it happen. Not saying that it wasn't selfish of him to do so, but why should he continue living, if only to spare people's feelings, when no one spares his? Now I'm not saying that what he did was right, I'm saying it was wrong for us as family and as a COMMUNITY to let it get to that point. Either way, everyone in this situation was wrong, and now nothing can be done about it, except to think about how what we do effects others, and try to stop others from feeling that low about themselves.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that I will ever have an answer, there will be many different situations, and many different people, I respect all of your thoughts on suicide. This post is simply my thoughts on a certain suicide I am dealing with (it just happened on thursday). I am not a suicide expert nor do I want to be. Just something I am dealing with at the moment.
ReplyDeletestop bullying!
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a chance to make changes in their lives. I suffer from depression and have for years. However, I would never kill myself because it is such a selfish act. I hated living in the village with depression because it feels like there is no place to "escape". There really feels like there is no person that you can trust to vent to. On the other hand there is a lot of nature to get out and be apart of. I feel bad that the person in the blog felt that his only way out suicide but I wish instead that he would have moved away from the bullshit instead.
ReplyDeleteThe sad part also, is that people are thinking (I'm sure) that because someone took their own life that they are going to hell. Most villages were forced to believe in the catholic religion years ago when the missionaries came in and told people that this is what they should believe. This is another belief that pisses me off to no end, this is one of the many reasons that I can't stand religion. Depressed people are not in their right mind when they do this so why would God continue to punish them when they suffered so much when they were alive?! How can you seriously say one second that God is all loving and all forgiving but the next second say that God doesn't like this so this person is going to suffer in hell for it?!
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and commenting. I do know that this person wanted nothing more than to move away, spent years and years trying, but with no job and no job skills it was virtually impossible. He did not have a snowmachine or fourwheeler to get out and enjoy the outdoors. I'm sure if he had activities to do, things would have been much different. I am feeling a sense of guilt for not recognizing or thinking about his life until after his death. Only after when I was asking myself "why" did I sit and think about it. I knew how people had treated him, and knew that he wanted to leave, why didn't I reach out and at least call once in a while?
As for the religion I agree with you one hundred percent. There are so many things they teach that I DO NOT AGREE with at all, I think I shall do a blog on the topic soon, would love to hear your feedback. I am glad that you are finding positive things to do, and being strong. Thank you so much for sharing. As for the person in this story, I hope that he is in peace somewhere, where he is treated nicely and can have conversations with people. May all victims of suicide rest in eternal peace and find happiness.
~TheModerNative
People react in different ways. Some people end up taking it out on people (not just those that necessarily hurt them) through violence.
ReplyDeleteBullying seems to happen everywhere. In larger communities you can try to avoid the bullies and with more people lies more possibility of finding similar friends.
Too bad people can't just leave other people alone. You don't have to like someone, but you can be respectful.
So true,in a small community it is so hard to escape it, especially when virtually everyone does it to you. thank you Anonymous for your sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDelete~TheModerNative
Great to see your tackling tough topics! I guess village life is WAY different from living in a city, culturally, religiously and just in socially! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement. :)
~TheModerNative
I was a victim of bullying by many females, which started off by one female. She went to all her friends, which were mine, also & did what she did best, turned all heads her direction. These females actually were afraid of me, for some reason. Maybe it was because of my ability to stand up for myself against a handful; maybe, it was because I grew up a tomboy, which they witnessed. On several occasions, they'd "send" a female over to take that bravery and "kick my butt". All times, I proved to them, again, that I can stand my own ground & sent the girl off crying or hurt. I'm not justifying in my aggression towards the bully's, but I certainly was forced against my own to cause harm in self-defense. Something I am not proud of, but proud I that I don't/didn't need anyone to back me up. Today, these same females are what you can call, "my friends"; not so good I can add, because of my past with them. I wouldn't trust them for anything. I can happily add, that I lent a helping a hand for these ladies one time in their lives. It's just the way I was raised to treat my "objectives" like my "positives".
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I have suffered and continue to suffer from a loss to suicide. You can't really heal from it. It affects you for years, and your entire lives. You can grow stronger, but the pain scars you. It's not easy & in some cases it's not easily accepted. Too many unanswered questions. Too many, why this, why that? It may have been a few years, but I still find myself crying for my loved one(s). You have no choice to move on with your life to even get through life. We weren't put in this horrendous world to stride through it easily; we were given a path, a difficult path; it's up to us how we "handle" it. (Sorry in my choice of word, but it's the best for now). You see someone down, offer a kind chit-chat. A smile, hello, handshake, a hug; make that person know he/she is there. No one is invisible and we all as people need to stop making people feel invisible. Change your attitude towards others and what way of life was chosen. Forgive! Don't throw yourself in a situation that doesn't involve you. In fact, become a better person after reading this (I hope) & make amendments where you see fit! You deserve it! They deserve it! Remember, you are loved and share what love you can.
99620
Dear 99620,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story of your perseverance and ability to stand up for yourself. It is quiet wonderful that you taught to treat your objectives like postives.
I hope that your words petaining to suicide reach someone in the village and spark a desire to be more kind to others, and to help others through depression. I also hope that someone who likes to bully reads this, sees the error in their ways, and chooses to change. Thank you for your advice for the readers, and I hope to read more from you in the future.
~TheModerNative
I wish the person in the story had found Jesus. I myself have been suicidal since I was pre-teen. I have scars to prove it. One I was so serious about it almost runs the length of my arm. I myself have endured school years of mental abuse. I was different, I was Alaskan Native (at the time I didn't know I was. I'm adopted) I had Chinese eyes and buck teeth and the joke of every school I went to. (My dad was in the Air force so we moved around quite a bit). I was sexually abused at home too. We all have our own wounds to heal. For some reason, the Lord has saved me. How I wish I can travel to the villages and spread the good news of Jesus Christ and how He can give peace to the troubled mind, joy to the broken hearted. How they are NOT alone. I have read and seen videos of life back in the old days. When the white people came, they brought stuff that made life easier to the natives. But that also brought idle time. Before the white man came to Alaska, there was no idle time. There was always work to be done. Now to be idle in such a desolate place can be lethal. Jesus changes people, can make bullies into loving neighbors. He can make dark places bright with light and love. Idle time for natives is rough. Just my 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure things would all make sense, once problems are faced and resolved. If only we all have the courage to lend a helping hand or ear or heart...did you ever think, that in the last last last few seconds of his life, he made peace with GOD? That he spoke to him and in that milliseconds before he was not aware, he was in the lords hands? Say, you are a mother or father of a small child. When you come home, this child wants you to hold him/her and s/he goes to you with out stretched arms. You gladly pick s/he up. That's how it is with the lord our Father. When you go to him, with a request to be held, he accepts you. Our God is a loving God and is wonderful and mysterious. I hope that others find help when it is needed, and faith when it is offered. I'm loving the village life. I have a reverence for nature. I'm not afraid to learn about my culture. I hope to be of service and change.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you have brought this subject up. First, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. It is always hard to lose a friend or loved one, especially in this way.
ReplyDeleteThe rate of suicides among native people is much greater then in the general population. After such an event, it is talked about in hushed tones, as if the person was an embarrassment to their family or to their religion. What we don't need is judgmental people placing blame. What we need is a communication of the facts. Why are native people more inclined commit suicide? What are the causes? How can they be prevented? The most important thing is to keep talking. If the problem is ignored, it will never get better. In fact, it may become worse if the problems are not addressed.
Thank-you for bringing this heartbreaking subject up. It is a hard one to discuss, but one that MUST be. I think you are doing your uncle a great service by bringing his story to people.
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading, I was looking at statitistics and native men are the highest not only in the nation but they account for the highest percentage of suicides in Alaska. I hope that through this we can determine the causes and address them for ourselves. The resources simply aren't available. out of a 176 communities researched for suicide, only 6 of them had some of sort of active suicide program. I do hope that something will change. Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. They mean a lot. Hopefully people will continue to read and to offer opinions. Every thought counts.
~TheModerNative