Thursday, January 17, 2013
Losing a Child & Suicide ( Final part)
Soon, I begin to feel like there is no point of being here. Why am I here and he isn't? He was just a baby, he didn't deserve it. He needs me. One night when my boyfriend is sleeping I go into the coat closet and hang myself. He heard me convulsing after passing out and cuts me down. After I wake, he punches me right in the face and calls me a stupid bitch. People continue telling me that he is in a better place. A better place? HE IS FUCKING DEAD, HOW IS THAT A BETTER PLACE, would scream in my head every time. So things continue and I isolate myself further, I don't talk to anyone, don't work, don't visit family. I just can't go on. I finally go to visit my family, where I tried again in my sister's closet. Again I am saved. My neck had gashes in it from the piece of string I used. I just keep living and soon I begin to accept it, only after returning to work and opening back up again. I still thought in my mind that there was really no point and had no motivation to do anything extra. But after years, I started to heal and begin to talk about it. I start going to see a counselor. That helped me more that you will ever know. I can so understand how losing a loved one makes you feel like you shouldn't be living, but you should. Now I have a good career, a great boyfriend, a cute dog. And I have faith in myself. If I could get through that, I can get through anything. I am so glad that I never succeeded. If anyone ever needs someone just to listen, please message me. You can get through ANYTHING! I know that I thought I could never live again, and now I appreciate every moment of my life. If we keep killing ourselves, we are not breaking the cycle, the cycle of guilt and depression will simply be passed on to someone else when you leave. Please don't do it.