Where should I begin? I’m a 30 y/o mother and my 1st abuse happened when I was 6 y/o. We were living in Bethel at the time and my friend and I were playing out in our neighborhood. We came to a house where I’ve been before with my parents and as we played outside this house a man I knew called us in to play with his puppy. We were having fun with the puppy and he offered oranges so we went in with him. He then said we should play hide and seek. So we hid and as he found us he would feel us up. When he did that to me I knew it was wrong. I grabbed my friend and told her what he was doing and she said that he’s doing that to her too. So I said let’s go in the bathroom and go out the window. But as we were closing the door he maybe heard our plan and just as we were going to close and lock the door he pushed it open and entered and locked the door behind him. We were crying & scared but he proceeded to unzip his pants stating don’t be scared I’m just using the bathroom. We screamed & tried to push eachother and hid behind eachother but I guess my friend was more scared because I could not get her to move from behind me. We begged for him to open the door and he finally did & we ran as far as we could, grabbed our little shoes & didn’t say a word to eachother just ran straight home and told our parents. The guy needless to say was socked by my dad and I remember going to the P.D. with my Mom but because I could not draw or describe his house they didn’t give him much time or jail time if any. I remember drawing a square house with a window as a small child would imagine one to look. I was very confused as to why I was there being so young. I can describe it in detail today as an adult though and remember everything!
2nd abuse happened when I was around the same age. My parents drank a lot and had parties at my house. One night a “friend” of my Dad’s was babysitting us while my parents were out dancing. He told us a bedtime story and we drifted off to sleep. My sister woke up after he tried to feel her up and then since I was still sound asleep, he moved to me. I was a hard sleeper so I didn’t wake up even she said she was calling my name, trying desperately to wake me up as he pulled off my underwear. I woke up the next morning and my panties were off. I asked my sister where they are, and she was 8 yrs old and told me where they were and explained what happened. He did something so horrible and sickening I can’t even tell it out loud. I was only 6! We were scared to tell my parents thinking we would get in trouble or something. It was a secret until we finally told my Mom as adults. She tells me to do something about it-and see if anything can be done but I never have tried. I see his name now and then and memories flood in & I get disgusted. I wonder if he has any kids himself, and I have no idea how he looks to this day. I wonder if I bumped into him anywhere without knowing and if he sees me as an adult and recognizes me and remembers what he did or if he still does it to other girls today. I don’t know what is keeping me from finding out if there’s anything I can do about it maybe thinking of the fact of does he have his own family today? Will I ruin his whole life if I report him? It’s weird and I know I shouldn’t feel that way but I do. Because of that abuse I feel insecure about my body some days. I used to think all men are gross and can’t really have conversations with men without thinking bad of them even though I know all men are not like that. My fiancé & my relationship is affected & when I described how some things affect me to my sister, she tells me I should get counseling (24 years later!). There’s one more but 2 is enough to talk about right now. I need some closure but unsure about how to do that-and is it too late?