Where should I begin? I’m a 30 y/o mother and my 1st abuse happened when I was 6 y/o. We were living in Bethel at the time and my friend and I were playing out in our neighborhood. We came to a house where I’ve been before with my parents and as we played outside this house a man I knew called us in to play with his puppy. We were having fun with the puppy and he offered oranges so we went in with him. He then said we should play hide and seek. So we hid and as he found us he would feel us up. When he did that to me I knew it was wrong. I grabbed my friend and told her what he was doing and she said that he’s doing that to her too. So I said let’s go in the bathroom and go out the window. But as we were closing the door he maybe heard our plan and just as we were going to close and lock the door he pushed it open and entered and locked the door behind him. We were crying & scared but he proceeded to unzip his pants stating don’t be scared I’m just using the bathroom. We screamed & tried to push eachother and hid behind eachother but I guess my friend was more scared because I could not get her to move from behind me. We begged for him to open the door and he finally did & we ran as far as we could, grabbed our little shoes & didn’t say a word to eachother just ran straight home and told our parents. The guy needless to say was socked by my dad and I remember going to the P.D. with my Mom but because I could not draw or describe his house they didn’t give him much time or jail time if any. I remember drawing a square house with a window as a small child would imagine one to look. I was very confused as to why I was there being so young. I can describe it in detail today as an adult though and remember everything!
2nd abuse happened when I was around the same age. My parents drank a lot and had parties at my house. One night a “friend” of my Dad’s was babysitting us while my parents were out dancing. He told us a bedtime story and we drifted off to sleep. My sister woke up after he tried to feel her up and then since I was still sound asleep, he moved to me. I was a hard sleeper so I didn’t wake up even she said she was calling my name, trying desperately to wake me up as he pulled off my underwear. I woke up the next morning and my panties were off. I asked my sister where they are, and she was 8 yrs old and told me where they were and explained what happened. He did something so horrible and sickening I can’t even tell it out loud. I was only 6! We were scared to tell my parents thinking we would get in trouble or something. It was a secret until we finally told my Mom as adults. She tells me to do something about it-and see if anything can be done but I never have tried. I see his name now and then and memories flood in & I get disgusted. I wonder if he has any kids himself, and I have no idea how he looks to this day. I wonder if I bumped into him anywhere without knowing and if he sees me as an adult and recognizes me and remembers what he did or if he still does it to other girls today. I don’t know what is keeping me from finding out if there’s anything I can do about it maybe thinking of the fact of does he have his own family today? Will I ruin his whole life if I report him? It’s weird and I know I shouldn’t feel that way but I do. Because of that abuse I feel insecure about my body some days. I used to think all men are gross and can’t really have conversations with men without thinking bad of them even though I know all men are not like that. My fiancé & my relationship is affected & when I described how some things affect me to my sister, she tells me I should get counseling (24 years later!). There’s one more but 2 is enough to talk about right now. I need some closure but unsure about how to do that-and is it too late?
I agree that you should do counseling. I know that it does not work for every body who does it, but it helps to figure out how and why you are feeling and reacting to certain things in your life.
ReplyDeleteIt is not too late for closure but it does not come easy, it takes work. I have forgiven the men who hurt me but I will never forget and as a result I will NEVER allow my children to be alone with ANY of those men or any men that are related to them. Ever. Sexual abuse happens everywhere but I sometimes feel that it is a lot more common in the villages. People turn their heads from it too often.
I had a person tell me that after living in the village they became de-scentised to sexual and physical abuse because both are so common in such a small place and most everybody seems to not speak up or fight against them. Sadly, I have to agree (as much as that might annoy some) because the comment was very much true.
If we speak up more, fight for safety more, and start to condemn those who hurt others this way, we can make changes. It will take a long time but we can do it. For a long time it will feel like we are swimming against the current but we can do it if we start speaking out.
Agreed!
ReplyDeletehow many of you turn them in? or is this just all talk and no walk?
ReplyDeleteFor some people, like me it is very hard to take that first step forward. And it is very hard to confront the fears, and terrors that bring back so many memories that some people don't even like remembering.
ReplyDeleteThis bog is the best thing to happen to us in a long time, so what If we don't report it needs to start somewhere first!
ReplyDeleteIt is very , very hard for someone who was abused to even speak about it and that is the first step. It's not "all talk and no walk". Let this person decide on their own what to do next. People that haven't been in this situation don't really understand and if you have no pity for someone that has gone thru something so horrible that's you atleast encourage not discourage.
ReplyDeleteIf a victim is still under the parents care, the parents should be more proactive, than inactive. Give in, don't give up! There are people out there that can and does support the victim(s). Yes, it is hard to come forward, but, by not doing, so causes more hurt and pain on another. In this type if matter it is hard to deal in the Native Culture because of "just leave it", to save the family's own embarrassment. To fix things, you will need to overcome that. I'd rather deal with weird looks for a very short moment than put up pain that will ruin my route in life.
ReplyDelete99620
My heart goes out to all of you...because I too was a victim of incest by my father for 15 years. It took me over 35 years but when I grew up I kept my promise to God that I made when I was 12 years old...that I would write a book and make others know about the heart aches caused by abuse. Go to my web site and read about it at WWW.fffpublishinghelps.com. Book is entitled "Father, Forgive My Father" by Sandra G. Lee. Blessings to all if you...please feel free to email me through the web site...I welcome chats with you and will try to help you.
ReplyDeleteDear 24 years later,
ReplyDeleteIt is easy to find someone via Internet. Although you haven't told, maybe someone else has. You could check your local sex offender registry. Or if you know him by name search via whitepages.com. If he did this to you and your sister, he is BOUND to do it to some other person.
If you care about his family- report him. What if he is raping his daughters? Or someone else's daughters?
The last time I went home I saw the guy who molested me after school in front of his niece. She sat there and smiled. I wonder if he recognized me when I was checking out from the store? I had so many mixed emotions and it took all my strength to not say anything to him. I felt if I had a knife, I would be able to wipe that disgusting smirk off his face and give him what he deserved.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was away at school, I dropped down to my knees and cried without my dad knowing, when he told me of an older man passed. At that moment I wanted to yell and scream those times he shoved his old funky tongue down my throat for $5 dollars. They were steam buddies. He was around the house often.
Just writing this is bringing so much horrible memories. To make it worse I'm getting interrupted by family calling and I can't tell them yet.
Thank you, I am not so alone as it seems
I'm so sorry, I will never go home because I odn't know what i am capable of doing. I'm glad my story was able to make you feel not so alone, and I'm so sorry again. thank you for taking the time to read. we can chat if you would like. I am on fb as themodernative
ReplyDelete