Sunday, April 28, 2013

Victim Impact Statement (names of villages omitted to protect the victim's identity) Asked to please share

My life has changed since I was sexually abused. My attitude got worse. It never used to be this bad. I get grumpy so easily and I don’t know why. Little things make me upset and I never used to be that sensitive. My grades dropped. I used to get mostly A’s and now I have a lot of difficulty in school. I don’t always get good grades anymore and I was barely passing any of my classes. I feel like I have to be careful with people. I don’t trust people well anymore. Guys are often scary to be around and it’s hard to trust them because I never know what may happen.
I think about it a lot. It makes me have low self-esteem because of what happened. I feel like everyone knows what happened to me, especially when I go out. Sometimes I feel guilty about what happened, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. I feel angry, mad, and disgusted when I think about it. I trusted him and he took that all away. It hurts me to think about what he did to me.
It has made things hard on my family. I know that it hurts my mom, grandma, and sisters to see me go through this. Sometimes I get anxiety about it. I have trouble breathing sometimes and my mom thinks that they are anxiety attacks. These started happening after the abuse occurred. My family had to move from
xxxxx to Bethel because of what happened. After the abuse started happening I felt depressed. I just didn’t feel like myself anymore.
I started staying home after the abuse began. I used to always go out with friends before that. I was scared. I didn’t like when he was around. I was scared to be alone at home and with him. I would call a friend to talk or I would read so that I wouldn’t feel unsafe or isolated. I always think I’m ugly now. I remember when I was younger I used to think I was pretty. I find so many things that are wrong with me. I think these self-hating feelings started after I was abused.
  • Saturday

    1. Thank you for speaking out! Over time you will get yourself back. Give your self time to heal but more importantly get the counseling you need to help that process. I have been to many different counselors but I learn something from each one. I also have a couple of close friends that I can talk to but they are much older and not native. I chose to turn to them because they help me to remember that being molested was not ok. In order for me to heal the best that I have I needed to not be in the village. I did not want to be around the people who hurt me and I did not want to be in a place where that kind of behavior is pretty much accepted (that is how I saw it in my mind) so my healing began when I moved to Fairbanks and especially when I went back to school.
      You will heal from this as much as you allow yourself to. It was a long hard road for me but I wanted so badly to get over the pain from it and I have. I still have some fears but I am working through those as well.

      1. Thank you for your blessing in my future life. I too, moved from the village to try to accept what happened with me while there. My life there was miserable because I came from such a 'prominent' family, it was unacceptable to share such things with anyone. I had to move or forever be punished for someting I didn't do.

    2. you girls make my days so much better to face. I come here everyday and cant wait to go to college and move from this place. sometimes i wish i could die but i know i will leave someday.

    3. where do i sent in my own storey?

    4. Dear Anonymous,
      You can either email it or you can message it to the facebook page, there is a link on the left to the facebook page. Thank you

    5. being molested as a child robs one of their soul......i sure believe that saying!! happened to me too at the age of 11!! for so many yrs i had NO CLUE what happened to me was wrong!! i was raped by my brothers so called "good friend!!" once i realized what he did was wrong, i too began to feel such shame in myself!! i believed i did something wrong for him to pick me as his victim! i couldn't form close friendships with guys, couldn't allow for them to go any further than giving me a hug, even that at times was very difficult for me! i couldn't tell anyone for at least 10 yrs, because that's how long it took for me to realize that it wasn't ME who was wrong, or did anything wrong!! i realized on my own by listening to others' who warned and shared their experiences about being raped, that it's the perpetrator who is the one doing wrong, not me!! thankfully i was taught from a very young age to forgive those who hurt me. but dang it!! believe me, finding forgiveness for that "man" was the hardest time i ever experienced in my life!! i always thought to myself, "why should i even fathom the idea of forgiving him for hurting me that way???" where the heck is the comfort in that?? how will that help me get thru and over what HE did?? why in God's name would i want to forgive him....when my understanding of recieving forgiveness meant the sin was washed away?!?!? why should i do that much for him??? he sure as heck didn't deserve forgiveness!! not from me anyway!!
      tho thru the yrs, i learned...being able to give forgiveness not only releases that person from their sin, it released YOU as an individual to let go of that painful memory and make room for good ones worth hanging on to! so what if he doesn't realize he needs my forgiveness!! i've decided his wrong is soooo not worth being hurt over anymore! his wrong has no room in my life at all!! since i've decided to forgive him, i don't hurt like i did back then! i remember, and all i can feel is regret that it happened to me! the pain isn't there anymore! now it feels shall i word it?.......that during the time i held on to the pain, and refused to forgive was like I kept his sin for him!! like i took it away from him and carried it for him!! but since i've forgiven him, i found that i'm able to leave it up to him to own up to it!! tho i don't see how he can, he's been dead for at least 15 yrs by now.....but that's not for me to worry about anymore! i feel like i got back a lil part of my life b4 he did this to me! i learned to forgive myself for even being a victim, tho i sure as heck didn't chose to!! just for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time!! may not make any sense, but i've learned that simply by forgiving him, has allowed me to LIVE life with happiness in my heart once again!! he doesn't deserve to own me....he did.....all that time i allowed my anger and pain to fester within me, he owned me!! but now he doesn't!! I own me!! God owns me!! <3

    6. Likewise. Thank you for saying that...the man who raped me has been dead for that long too, but I still held it to mysef 'til now. Thank you for your words that are a blessing to me.

    7. A victim of any form of abuse normally has to go through a post-trauma treatment to try and help that person start his or her life anew. Dark events change a victim's outlook in life. There will be times when even the littlest or simplest of things will disappoint or irritate that person suddenly. Most especially in situations where that person is being reminded of his or her attacker. What can be done by family, friends, or relatives who can be trusted is to show utmost support for that person. Seeking professional or legal help is also advised to help that person move on.

      Vesta Duvall @ The Zalkin Law Firm, P.C.


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