Friday, April 26, 2013

Walk a mile in my shoes, would you have made it?

One of the hardest things for me growing up, up until the day I spoke up about my uncle, was going to my Grandmother's house, which was a daily thing. I truly LIVED NEXT DOOR TO MY ATTACKER. I can speak about this from experience. Every day of my life I had to face him and act as though nothing was wrong, but believe me, every time I laid eyes on him, I had thoughts of doing things no person should ever think. I literally would have to converse with the person on a regular basis as though nothing was ever wrong. The hatred that it created was much too great to explain in writing. I was always on edge, and always felt like he was about to do something to me. Some nights, I would fantasize about the ways that I could kill him. About how easy it would be to do one of the nights he drank himself into a drunken stupor. Thankfully, I never acted on it.
We as a community can prevent so much tragedy and heartache by simply speaking up. We can stop these people from victimizing others, we can empower other people to speak up. There is NO  reason to try and silence the victims or to defend their attackers, family or not! What they are doing is wrong and creates a lifetime of heartache, which will go on to create even more problems in the future. Telling a victim to be hush about what happened or saying they are making it up, is doing nothing but further victimizing that person.
I myself had many serious issues that I know aren't all directly related to what happened, but I'm sure some of my actions were my way of acting out because I was so full of hatred and had no where to direct it.
We should all place ourselves in the victims shoes, think about how hard it must be to live your life day to day going face to face with someone who did such things to you, and how it must feel to know that if you say anything, that you may rid yourself of your attacker, but you must still face those who turned on you for doing what was right, knowing that there is no way around it. Think about it.

11 comments:

  1. what about all those girls that do lie just because they don't want people to know they are a slut?

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  2. Dear Anonymous,

    I have actually considered that as I have witnessed this sort of thing happen firsthand. I am planning a post about this, but need to do a little more research. But, I don't think that those few should stop us from protecting real victims from further abuse. Thank you for your thoughts.
    ~TheModerNative

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  3. As far as the answer to the title, yes I would have made it. I was molested by 6 different men between the ages of 6-14, I did not kill any of them but I was pretty screwed up for a while. The worst ones out of that group were the family members.
    As far as the comment about the girls who lie because they are sluts, I have seen that happen and want so badly to punch girls like that in the throat then I remind myself that they too may have been abused as young girls. Some girls end up wanting a lot of sex while other girls want to refrain from it. The results vary from person to person whether or not they are male or female does not matter.

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  4. Desiree, I wish I was strong like you. I tried to kill myself so many times cause I was so tired of my family having sex with me. even the girls did it to me. when I told my gramma who was pretty much my mom, she just told them and they started beating me up all the time. I wish I had someone to help me. I have a son by my own uncle and I hate my own baby but I have to take care of him

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  5. Dear Desiree, thank you for sharing and I do admire your strength. I agree with you one hundred percent on each person responds differently, some cope, others don't.
    Dear Anonymous,
    You are NOT alone. I am so sorry that you are living through this nightmare. Please email me @
    themodernative@gmail.com

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  6. Anonymous,
    I so badly wish I could give you a huge hug and tell you that everything will be ok. Please understand that I was not as strong as I am now when I was younger. It took my being raped by a college professor at 17 to realize that I could stop it from happening. I was into drinking a lot and did many different drugs (no needles or meth though) but this all happened before I had kids. I hate what your uncle did to you. How old is your baby? If you are having a tough time taking care of him adoption is an option. Please know that your child is innocent in all this, he has no idea what happened for him to be here but I do understand that you know what happened for him to be here. I am here if you would like to talk or vent. I am ok with our communication being anonymous if you want it to be that way.
    One piece of advice I can give is to get away from that life (if you are still around those people) and to seek counseling. I saw many different counselors over the years and no matter how crappy some of them might have been I still made it a point to learn something different from each of them. I am on FB, if you want to make up a fb name and contact me I am up for that.
    I think the worst thing we can do is hide from this. By keeping quiet we allow the horrible people who hurt us to continue hurting us. I want to leave you all with a quote that helped me to move on (as well as help from my husband):
    "To forgive releases the bitter ties that bond you with those that hurt you." Every time we hurt or suffer from what other did to us we allow them to control us through our emotions which affects us physically and mentally then bleeds to the people around us. I chose to no longer allow those assholes to hurt me. Now I am more verbal about what happened to me but I also keep in mind that if I say names that it could mess up a lot of things for my family as far as retaliation from village members to my family. I also know that there are some in my family that hurt others so I am finding ways to deal with that too.
    Hugs to you girl. Contact me if you want to. I am open to helping anyone who wants it.
    Dez

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  7. This is very sad and it happens behind closed doors. Its so heartbreaking to hear that it happens to many out there. This is not the end! At first it may be difficult to over come or you may feel that no one cares or may not believe you. That is not true! There's hope! I believe your capable of achieving anything you put your mind to. And sharing this was an amazingly strong thing to do. It gives hope to many out there struggling with such a horrible thing. I am wholeheartedly sorry to those of you that have been through this. Don't let it stop you from living the life that is mean't for you or your loved ones. Breaking through and reaching out is a great start for healing and peace within. There are a lot of people who are willing to help you. Don't ever give up! I'm very thankful that this topic was posted. Thank you for sharing! There's always a way and everyday is a new start! Take care! And I wish you the best of luck!

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    1. Throat Kicking Dez!April 26, 2013 at 2:39 PM

      Party on! That is so true that we can over come this. This is why I am doing what I can to help advocate for kids. Starting small but I have a big voice that God blessed me with and I learned a lot from my mom as far as how to be heard so my journey is FAR from over! Being in college is also helping my self confidence and is just more fuel for my ass kicking tank!

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    2. I believe you can be a great example to many out there! I also believe you'll be guided through your journey in helping those that need it the most through your part of speaking up and supporting them. Keep up the awesome work! You'll be greatly blessed!

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  8. I don't see why/how you strong women refrained yourself from killing them.

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    1. Because Karma took care of them for me. Because if we did we would end up in jail. Because I have children to be a good example for. But mostly because karma and God took care of them for me.

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