We all know that Alaska has a very high rate of suicide. I am not an expert on suicide, nor do I wish to be. I am simply going to share my recent experience with suicide (thurs) and my thoughts on what could have driven a person to do such a thing. I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this subject as well.
After a recent loss of loved one to suicide, I sat for hours asking myself why. And here is what my brain has thought up.
Living in a small village your circle of people is very small to begin with (500 people). Of those you probably only interact with say, maybe 25. You start off going to school and everything is great, you have friends, you are free to play whenever and wherever you want with whoever you want. Soon, you are in high school and things begin to change ( you only have about 10 classmates, so your circle has grown even smaller). You join the basketball team, and all of your relatives come to see you play. The coach is introducing players and your name is called. Suddenly, your classmates are booing you very loudly, humiliating you in front of the people that mean the most to you. You choose not to go down to the gym floor. Your circle is now even smaller. The next four years of high school continue this way, with your classmates humiliating you and picking on you every chance you get. Now your circle only includes your family, and people that you may have casual contact with, say, at the grocery store or post office. What teenager wants the only person they have positive contact with to be their mother? You continue to push on, with a plan to leave the village as soon as you are old enough. You graduate and join the military, where things go well, for a while. Soon something happens so dramatic ( I will save that for another topic) that you are forced to go home. Heartbreak.
I was only allowed that many words, so the rest of the story will be up soon, thank you for reading.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to it. Sometimes, unfortunately, bullying can be within a family circle as well and it is then that mistrust of others and becoming a loner seems the only alternative. Growing up an older sibling constantly referred to me as ugly, useless and good-for-nothing and to this day the emotional and psychological abuse still has its lingering affects. In high school I was pretty much a loner and was regarded as being too "white" because of my education and at times still feel shunned by those within the village because of it. At one point and time I did consider suicide because of the loneliness, rejection and abuse I felt but fortunately cried myself to sleep before I could follow through with what I was attempting to do. To this day the older sibling is telling people that I am a fake Christian because they believe I am going around turning people against them, which is not true.
ReplyDeleteI had to endure loneliness for a season but I have pulled through a stronger person and now have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children. I do have the scars to prove my attempt from years ago and that is just the physical part of it. Emotional a psychological abuse leave unseen scars that seem to haunt you forever but crying out to my God helps me through those moments and helps me to forgive that person over and over again.
If anyone is out there and needs someone to talk to I can honestly say that I am open to that line of communication. Talk to me, get a hold of me on Facebook, I am willing to listen. Don't believe others who say you are feeling sorry for yourself, depression is real and should be dealt with.
Thank you for opening this post. God bless.
Dear anonymous,
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing. I am sorry for the things that you had to endure and I am proud that you pushed through it. congratulations on your children and your marriage. I am also glad that you did not succeed in your attempt to end your life. I feel happy that you are offering an ear for people to talk to. Thank-you. (would you like me to place a link to your facebook page?)
Yes please.
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